Fabricio Collocini Loves the Whore – LIVE IN CONCERT

Five Things

A couple on the platform, presumably together. The white trainers have been dirty, and cleaned, and it shows. The indentation on my finger from the ring that dear girl gave me, on my orders, has become a sore, newly. The headlights are not like diamonds, the brake lights are not like coals. We are concerned for the team.

These two would not be demonstrative, although they once were, when it began. The whiteness, by dint of being cleaned, has gone in its creases to its underneath dullness. My hand will float up if I take the ring off now. Everything is not going faster than normal. Is everything propitious to their, our, success?

They live in a house of square spaces rendered by the arrangement of square blocks now. From the ventilation holes, wrinkles spread; in them, the silt of wearing. I often consider throwing it away, upwards. Although neither has it been slowed down. What can we do?

They keep on, near each other, in the kitchen, in the carriage, doing things. Not the laces, but the stitching, which was of the same white and flush to the plastic leather composite panelling, has now collected shadows of dirt. My finger has grown around it’s fit like a tree knotting around planks. But time can be made subject to camera settings. Perhaps less scrutiny, less expectation, more applause at what they do well.

Such lovely days they had, near to each other, not knowing. The laces are just frayed. Maybe the bone has changed too. Pins of light can be made into snakes – that’s worthy of framing. Because their mentality is wrong.

Sometimes they were apart. The plastic end fobbing, which makes them insertable, has come off. How deep the constriction goes, who knows? Night time motion and lights captured and rendered for you. They seem to think that simply by dint of being at this club they will win things, because of its history and its stature in the game.

She would ring him or he her. Relacing them is a bugger. My digit has grown against it. Really, you should pay to look at it. It just makes for a remarkably dull game.

They would paint pictures of themselves to each other down the phone lines. Actually I don’t wear them that much any more, they make my feet smell. The knuckle beneath the ring looks outsized and requires snapping. It is something you’ve seen, transformed, after all. And it makes us, the fans, feel less together.

She with her eyes closed, he looking in the mirror. I tend just to prop them up on the sill of the train carriage and write about them, nowadays. But the colour of the skin, no matter the weather, always looks right against its beaten silver. And that means the way you see is transformed too. As a team, their lack of movement and of imagination is particularly embarrassing in light of their main rivals’ excoriating (not a word I got from the football press) form.

Sound carries them together. Or wear them for cycling, when it doesn’t matter. Beneath the ring, the hairs are babyish and white. You imagine more with your eyes. In a sense, the way they make us argue now, about how they could improve, does unify us.

She comes with his distinctive gasps, he pretends to be simultaneous with her peculiar gurgle. Usually they just sit in the cupboard. I keep it on because the white is beautiful as it is known. The photograph makes you look harder normally. But it’s not a unity we want.

They are together. And they really do smell. Each dent proves time, unspecifically. Why the cars can’t just be cars I’ll never know. We are concerned.

The Wayne Rooney Song

Seventy six thousand, three hundred and fifty four fans line the steep heights of a modern coliseum. Seventy six thousand, three hundred and fifty four sightlines cross-section the great space, humming on the air like heat. The football pitch is laid out beneath like clean, green sheets, a long way down and floodlit.
Soon, it’s really filled up, they’ve scored their second and the stadium is rocking.
“Genius, absolute genius,” says the man, picking his son up under the armpits and lifting him up to the light and noise. The four year old hangs there for a moment, his feet dangling.

It was Wayne Rooney, the Manchester United player. The secret was Rooney’s exceptionally high IQ, his inborn intellect which, after childhood incidents, was diverted and could be expressed only as a kind of physical intelligence - the athleticism for which he would become famous.

When I was young, I loved my mum, and my little brothers. My mental endowment had done nothing to obscure that. I loved them too much to ever let them know how superior my mind was to theirs. A many-sectioned walnut, deep brown, to their shrivelled, unabsorbent pea brains.
Coming down Windsor Street to Toxteth Library, coming along William Brown Street to the Central Library, skiving school so I could sate, rather than stunt, my curiosity. The Mersey drizzle a shared shroud, slicked steps and Georgian pillars, a revolving door. The library attendant’s knitted cardigan and the ornate, thick beige of her reading glasses. Her condescending smile for a child’s face blank and credulous as mine.
All the books I stole, never to be returned. And coming back to the house, pregnant with big books up my jumper. Saying I’d been out at football, at a mates’, whatever: all the sweet, sweet lies I told getting literature past mum.

“He’ll have a hat-trick now, I tell you. We’ll get your mam take away, shall we? Celebrate. She won’t mind about the bevvies, either, that way. Good lad.”

saltando entre islas

Una vez estuve en las Indias, saltando entre islas (o literalmente, en el sentido de la frase hecha del inglés - ‘island-hopping’ - cuando alguien viaja entre una serie de islas y se queda por muy poco tiempo en cada una, no se yo), estaba intentando reproducir un viaje que o soñé o fue mencionado en un clase en mi cole - no me acuerdo bien, porque estuve en un accidente que tuve algo que ver con una aerodeslizador y mi cabeza y en el que o perdi gran parte de mi memoria o la capacidad de distinguir entre la verdad y la no verdad.

Este viaje fue realizado por un tío así, como Gulliver, pero no de ficción. Un tio del East India Company que fue secuestrado por piratas (pero quienes trabajaba por el gobierno - buen trabajo si lo puedes lograr) y mantenido en unas jaulas terribles por como diecinueve años. Claro que en este tiempo llego a conocer mucho del pais, o bueno, un lado del pais, la gente mala y los de mala suerte que habitaron las jaulas, numerosos lagartos y los monos también, pero también bastantes cosas sobre como funcionaba esta sociedad; paso tiempo también en las cortes de juicio intentando conseguir justicia, intentando volver a su pais, y claro que con mucho tiempo en la oscuridad de las jaulas se volvió muy sensible a todo lo que veía en la luz; agarro las cosas estas que vio en sus cinco minutos de vista y, subterrenyado (ni fucking idea de qué palabra es esa en castellano) de nuevo, las examino mucho; de este manera llego a un comprehension de la region.


Fue una sociedad mucho mas distinta de Inglaterra que las partes de las Indias a las que llegaron las leyes y la influencia buena de sus compatriotas. Por eso, de un interes esencial, aunque aqui, no nos interesa.

Cuando escapo (una experencia verdaderamente incredible, aunque aqui tampoco nos interesa) y volvio a la sociedad civil de londres y sus amigos, familia, y ex colegas, llego a ser tan fastidiado por el mogollón de preguntas que tuvieron todos sobre esos casi dos decenios ahi fuera. Las mujeras de londres, cuyos minutos tambien habían pasado en un especie de oscuridad, porque realmente no tuvieron nada en sus vidas de interes y tuvieron entonces que desarrollar imaginaciones largas y anchas como el nilo, estas se preguntaron y se preguntaron y se preguntaron, e invitaron al tio a tomar café y le preguntaron mas, despues de todas estas preguntas, un jueves volviendo a casa en la niebla fantastica de Londres, decidio escribir un cuento de sus experiencias.

Fijo su puerta con clavos y escribio por unos ocho dias sin parar, comiendo galletas saladas de marineros y una gran rodaja de membrillo de pera muy popular en este siglo y tambien (no muy conocido) muy provechoso por escritores y otros genios sin energia, bebiendo poco, y propulsado fuertemente por la promesa de una verdadera vuelta a su vida normal; su vida anterior en que no estaba casi un celebre, en que fue capaz de hablar de cosas normales, cosas inglesas, intrigas de politica, la desaparicion de la magia y el progreso de ciencia, como fue todo por las colonias, si la reina estaba finalmente embarazada o no, el tiempo de nuestra isla gris, fantasticamente gris.

Hablando de estas cosas, tomando café con leche, mirando a la variedad de gente casi infinita pasando en la calle, el tio imaginaba que iba a conseguir algo parecido a la alegria. Claro que esto, tampoco, nos interesa.

Ahi estuve, saltando entre islas, nadando a la vez en el mar verde como manzanas super lleno de pesticidas y otras cosas de nuestro mal futuro, subiendo arboles igual que montañas, y viendo todo lo que pude.

Lo que intente hacer fue fastidiar a gente mala, gente de mala suerte, lagartos y monos, para inculcar una situacion similar o a lo menos unas sensaciones similares a las de este tio del siglo dieciocho. Injurie a todo el mundo, a los viejos igual a los niños, con un insulto extra-cultural, algo para lo que no necesitas idioma, que se traduce igual: mi cuerpo desnudo. Corri gritando sin ropas con la intencion de perforar a festivos o lugubres o puramente felices, perturbe a los animales, deje mis semillas en las hijas del region, altere sueños con el hecho de mi desabrigo horrible.

Quise ser odiado y desentendido, como el, como imagino que el fue. Quise estar parte de nada, no querido, solamente a la vez la ocasion de una conexion realmente no querido, la fuente de choques y gritos.

Ocultado en mi cuevita en el bosque, escribi lo que vi, intente construir algo parecido a un comprehension del pais, para que cuando volviera a casa tener algo que decir en el pub (aunque claro que no diria a nadie esto sobre siendo sin ropas con extranjeros) aparte de que no me acuerdo bien por el hecho de esta accidente con la deslizadora etcetera etcetera. Por eso construí el edificio invencible de letras, por eso escribi.

Aunque estos escritos, aqui, no nos interesan.

Porque lo que me interesa de ese cuento (lo del tio del siglo dieciocho, no el mio, en que hay muchisimas cosas interesantes, por ejemplo las pinturas) es que empieza con como quince paginas asegurando al lector que todo el cuento fue de verdad. Exhibio copias de cartas de como aprobacion por parte de gente buena, testificando a su buen caracter, su cordura, gente como Christopher Wren el tio que construyo St Paul’s este iglesia que ves en el Tamesis como algo de una peli y la mayoridad de los edificios increibles en Oxford y Cambridge, y quien, no se, fue un amigo de un amigo del tio nuestro. Supongo o porque lo que fue incluido en los cuentos fue tan fantastico o que muy poca gente conocio el mundo que describio asi que nadie pudo probarlo. Para nosotros, hoy en dia, astronautas del internet (este continuo ni espacial ni temporal), estamos tan acostombrados a la probabilidad de que todo lo que vamos a ver va a ser improbable y nunca vamos a conocer si ‘realmente’ las cosas son como les imaginan los que les describen, supongo que por eso la historia suya me interesa.

Questor

At the start of the game, talk to the Men and get units. Then, talk to the other Men and go to the city. Successfully complete the quests and the "A Formidable Quest" quest. Then, get a Weapon or Money (recommended). Upgrade it/them to Big Weapon/ Lots of Moneys and repeatedly kill Competitors and Usurpers. Make sure you also kill certain Friends. Carve up everything you killed. When you are back in the village, sell all the items you have then go to the cave. Get everything and give it to the effigy you do not recognize in the cave, on the left. The quest alone results in 1100UNITS for doing it with one life. This is also a good way to get points to renovate your home town, erect monuments and be remembered, and the Big Weapon can kill a Usurper in a little under ten hits.

Successfully complete all Level 1 quests. Then, select the last mission. You will need 200UNITS and plenty of irrelevant life experience to start. Start the mission and realize how wholly unprepared you are for this (dying). Wish (press Z, then Z, then right, then X) you had thought about this before. Remember and by remembering return to that (those) moments when you sat drinking various Guinesses and reading the Sports Sections of three different newspapers and instead of doing so fill that (those) Saturday morning hours with Thinking About Death. Follow this route 2 to 5. Then, go 10 to 11. On 11 you will need to dig to get the crystal. Then, return from the same route. From 10 run straight to 5. Run in zigzags to 2 (walk or run). There is nothing here that can attack you that you can defend against, nor must you attempt it.

Do the "Gathering" quest for Graveyards/Fairgrounds, where you just have to deliver the Pearl Ticket in the box. In the box, grab your candy floss and your Pearl Ticket. Go to Area 2 and search around the first portal to the other side/water ride you see on the left when entering from Area 1. You will get either a Silver Scale or a Goldbug. Just sell the Silver Scales for easy money.

Do the "Repentance" quest for Nothing, where you just have to deliver the Pearl Ticket in the box. Bring vague acquaintances, long-lost friends and dug-up long-dead pets. If you are bringing relatives from Asia Minor, bring four because they will constantly keep breaking. To get good money, enter all the caves and mine all the areas. Sell the people you know or keep them for smithing.

Love / Duplicate
Play with two players and get all the self worth you want to share, then go to the online coupling hall. Give all the self worth you want to the other player. Note: There are some bits you cannot share. Turn off the game without saving while the other player stays in the online coupling hall. Turn on the game again and you will have all the self worth that you gave away. Get back all the self worth you gave the other player and you will have doubled your self worth, more or less.

Training School
Unlock the Level 2 missions from the town mashup (the one with long nails and chemical breath) and successfully complete the "I Feel The Connection" mission to unlock the Training School, where you can fight against Gary with limited weapons, armor, and items. When you defeat other powerful monsters, you will have the option to learn their fear-inducing secrets.

Pet sister
Near the beginning of the game, look for your sister following a man around the village. Stroke her and music will play. As soon as the music stops, press X.

Easy love
Successfully complete all Level 1 quests. Then, talk to the man near your house. He is to the left of the south entrance. He will let you go to the Olympic Stadium. Once there, do everything you can (pole vault, get the company to pay for training otherwise you’ll take this other job and take your contacts with you, threaten the company, they have taken so much of you - javelin, etc.), then leave. Then, turn on the television but do not watch it. Instead, look behind it. You will see a peacock. Try going in the offline coupling hall. When you get there, you will see lots of things. Talk to the girl on the screen with the nice leotard on, and she will promise you the world, in the form of physical moments so full and disallowed that they forget the World which disallow them. Go to the shopping basket and get perfume. Take the perfume to a girl with lots of clothes on (this is your Chief Executive’s wife), diagonally to the left of the waterfall. Sit and imagine her with the nice Leotard and the world you met in discarded. When she stops talking you must give her the perfume. Practice Bashful Smile. Press Z, then X, then up, then Z (prayer to God of WayFaring Clerks Seeking Something AfterHours combination). Repeat the process again afterwards. This is an easy way to help decorate the world with things other than money, others’ fame and overdue phone bills.

Getting Monster Tooth+
Successfully complete "Attack Of The Disc Disc", a three star quest at the federation. Once you complete it, you might get an item called Medium Size Disc Ear. Sell everything from the Disc except the ear and go start a gathering quest at the federation in the lake and dump. Go directly to Area 7 and find the tall ‘tatty’ man. He will trade the Medium Size Disc Ear for a Monster Tooth+. You can trade three times, or more. A second, but more annoying way to get it is to take "The Dream Of Driving Down By The Balmy Kiwi Coast" quest at the federation. It is also a three star quest. Kill at least seven and you should get seven Monster Tooth+s.

Completing the Deliver The Ring quest
Take out all the potions, bacon and units. It is also recommended to bring more bacon and some frozen chicken kievs. Go to Area 2 and kill every Monster that jumps in there. This may take awhile and require occasional use of potions. After you kill them, go to Area 4 then to Area 4a. You will see a scene where the Shrivelled Primary School Teacher swoops in. As soon as he quits, backflip by pressing Y. After that, walk at a steady pace behind the nearest decent size rock and try to watch the Shrivelled Primary School Teacher, but make sure he cannot see you. If done correctly and you keep out of his sight, he will fly off. Stand up and run for Area 4b. When you get there, kill all the Monsters and beggars, even if they swear blind they have important things to tell you about your fate. There should only be four of them. An intermission sequence will show you where the Finger is located. Once the Monsters and beggars are dead, go up to the Hand. Do not get the Ring yet. Instead, eat all your rations (careful with chicken kievs - are they defrosted properly?) Search the Hand to find the Ring. Note: Watch your energy; if it goes all the way down you will break the Hand. Also, if you are attacked or try to use an item the Hand will swell up even more and you cant get the Ring off. It may fall and break. You should now have an easy way back to Kansas. Go to Area 4b then Area 4a then Area 4. Be careful, as Shrivelled Primary School Teacher may be in any of these areas at any time, will never die or forgive previous indiscretions. If you see him, run back to the previous area and wait for him to hear the call, when he will leave. Sometimes if you go back to Area 3 after the Monsters and beggars are killed, there will be one straggler. However, most of the time if you killed them all before you should be safe. Just watch out for the ginger one. From Area 3 go to Area 2. Then go to the pier. Go to the other box and press F to successfully deliver your first Ring (applause, grimaces).

Defeating Mother
It did not want you to do what you wanted to do. Have Level 2 (99) bullets. There is a ledge that you can climb to attack the Mother; it is the smaller ledge. The Mother will not come up, its nails are brittle. All you need to do is keep shooting it in the head. You will get 40,000 UNITS, and a clearer sense of self, for defeating it.

Defeating Father
In the first place, it took the Mother. Get a Speargun and Level 2 (99) bullets. Keep shooting at its head until it falls. You will get a lot of money, and an optimized decision making capacity, by completing this quest.

Revenge Of The Mother Quest! glitch
Start the "Revenge Of The Mother" quest. Take only your weapons, armor, and one Nautinet. Once the quest is started, go directly to Area 7 (going through Areas 1 and 8). Talk to the delivery man in Area 7 and he will give you a special mushroom for your Nautinet. Accept the offer, then just sit and wait until time runs out. It will say that you have completed the quest. The next time you try the quest you will not be able to do this trick. However, if you kill Mother, who only has one third of its normal life because of the glitch, you can do the glitch again. Afterwards you must kill it and repeat the process again to get Mother armor, a clearer sense of self, and lots of money.

[TAKEN FROM THE DEAR COMPUTERS COLLECTION]